"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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