i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
