A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
