Michael Bay diarrhea
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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