my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
