I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
