Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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