people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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