tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
