in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
