Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm really busy with my period
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