your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wear drunk well.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
