Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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