so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
