Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
