Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently the secret to your success is patron
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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