So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
