She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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