I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
