yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
