guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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