I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
