didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
