awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
