It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
