yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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