The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
