i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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