I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
