Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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