P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think your dad took our porno
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
