I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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