She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
