They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need a beard to bite.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
