Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
