3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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