My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
