He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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