she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
