piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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