tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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