I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
