my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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