I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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