those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
