my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
