why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
