I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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