i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
