im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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