and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
