I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
